So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Non-Jews are for practice
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
