Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
