the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
