i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
