i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
