Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
