In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
