What did we do last night that was yellow?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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