I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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