how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
