It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
