Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
