Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
