i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
