I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
