we have pet lesbian snakes
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
