Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
