yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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