We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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