Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
