2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
