U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
