ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
