I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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