Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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