Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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