that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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