i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
