just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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