dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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