My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
