So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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