I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
