Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
