you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
