Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
