we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
