sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
