She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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