People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
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you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
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There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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