Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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