i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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