How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
