he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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