Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
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Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
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Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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