There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
