All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?