He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound