Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag