I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want