The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.