I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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