I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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