no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
