He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
