and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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