I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
