Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
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Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
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I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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