My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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