Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
