hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
