sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
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